Taking up some sort of responsibility, regardless of the magnitude, will usually lead to praise and recognition in successful outcomes. We live as part of a community that’s very quick to appreciate and less so to remediate (or at least directly to one’s face, haha!). Due to immaturity, one subsequently may become somewhat arrogant, self-regarding and proud. Actions that were previously reserved for divinity become performed to acquire mundanity. What can start as one-pointed focus may be led astray as one’s motivation becomes mixed. A mixed motivation simply means that any result leads to dissatisfaction. As confirmed by SB 1.2.6, only a selfless, continuous offering of love leads to equanimity and contentment; anything else and the heart remains a vessel.

The question I’ve been asking myself lately is: Were it not for these perks that come with responsibility (which are, in actuality, a massive distraction from one’s purpose), would I continue to serve with the same level of drive and determination? Forget pleasing Krishna, will this service please my ego? Forget asking Krishna for help, will I be able to show my might through my skill?

Presently, feel I have to work harder in spiritual life in order to maintain the very same standards to which I held myself accountable to in the past. My dear Lord, I pray for the simplicity that I once had. I wish for the child-like innocence that I once viewed others by. Please may I return to the days where I wouldn’t question the motives of your servants, and may you allow me to treat them with the utmost respect, love and appreciation. My dear Lord, please allow me to return to that time when I was so confident in my relationship with you that I wouldn’t care for what others thought of me! My dear Lord, please ensure that pleasing You becomes my only goal.

A feeling of unpleasantness when we are praised is probably more elevated than self-aggrandizing. However, when praised for a characteristic that one can present externally yet defy internally, self-discontentment pervades. The embarrassment of glorification is a reality check of our situation. If only they knew my heart.