Reflections

C.H.A.O.S

In the wake of the great Kurukshetra battle, King Yudhisthira ascended the throne, ushering in an era of unprecedented prosperity. For three decades, his reign saw a harmonious collaboration between the heavens and earth, providing abundantly for all.

Bhaktivedanta notes that Yudhisthira’s global dominion stemmed from his adherence to timeless, infallible principles that benefited all, without personal ideology. In essence, Yudhisthira embodied the ideal of true secularism, creating a utopian monarchy.

Yet, even Yudhisthira’s impeccable character and sovereign skill could not withstand nature’s most formidable force: time. Unbeknownst to him, a subtle shift in humanity’s collective consciousness took root, giving rise to what we might call CHAOS:

Cheating in dealings: Simplicity of heart gave way to cunning, with friendships becoming transactional and deceitful.

Household discord: Familial interactions devolved from consideration to conflict, particularly amongst paramours.

Anger and greed: The pursuit of material gain and its accompanying frustrations became increasingly prevalent.

Occupational impropriety: Dishonorable professions grew more alluring.

Seasonal irregularities: The seeds of climate change began to take root.

Chaos theory, in the scientific sense, posits that minor alterations in initial conditions can lead to significant changes in outcomes, akin to the butterfly effect. As Yudhisthira grappled with the source of this chaotic shift, he arrived at a dreaded conclusion: Sri Krishna had concluded His earthly pastimes, as foretold by Narada.

Voltaire observed that while history may not repeat itself, human nature invariably does. The symptoms of chaos witnessed by Yudhisthira mirror our own experiences when the Divine recedes from our lives. The macrocosm invariably affects the microcosm.

The intensity with which we seek Divine presence in our lives, beseeching grace from a place of spiritual sincerity rather than mere ritual, reflects the depth of our awareness of His absence. 

As we reflect on our character, we must ask ourselves: Have we succumbed to crookedness? Have our open arms been replaced by cold shoulders? Has our facade of geniality crumbled, revealing hostility towards loved ones? Have we, once servants, become swindlers?

The only work that matters is the work that no one sees. External tranquillity holds little value if internal CHAOS reigns. While these symptoms were notably absent during Yudhisthira’s reign, they often permeate our own existence.

This year, let our meditation be a plea to the Lord: May chaos be confined to the pizza tent, and may we never take His presence in our lives for granted. Let us strive to embody the principles that made Yudhisthira’s reign a golden age, and develop the character that enthuses Divine empowerment. 

close up of binoculars on mountain landscape

I see, therefore I am

Bhaktisiddhanta (undoubtedly in utter humility) once said,

“Because I am myself honeycombed with faults, I see the faults of others.”

I’ve struggled with this; surely there are universal principles of character, behaviour, and conduct that requires a level of critique and analysis? In our respective roles as project leads, partners, parents, teachers, and even friends, isn’t there an element of correction and guidance required in those positions? Did Mahaprabhu not cast aside Chota Haridas for what he perceived as improper conduct for a renunciate? Did Rupa Goswami not banish Jiva for what he perceived as ego towards Vallabha Bhatta? So, I was confused.

Bhaktivinoda Thakura writes,

“Fault-finding arises only from imposing one’s own bad habits on others.”

I was still confused.

Then I read CC. Now I’m a believer. 

Describing Raghunath Bhatta Goswami in the Antya Lila, we read:

vaiṣṇavera nindya-karma nāhi pāḍe kāṇe
sabe kṛṣṇa bhajana kare, — ei-mātra jāne

He would not listen to blasphemy of a Vaiṣṇava, nor would he listen to talk of a Vaiṣṇava’s misbehavior. He knew only that everyone was engaged in Kṛṣṇa’s service; he did not understand anything else.

cc antya 13.133

And in Prabhupada’s commentary, we find,

“It is the duty of a Vaiṣṇava ācārya to prevent his disciples and followers from violating the principles of Vaiṣṇava behavior. He should always advise them to strictly follow the regulative principles, which will protect them from falling down. Although a Vaiṣṇava preacher may sometimes criticize others, Raghunātha Bhaṭṭa avoided this. Even if another Vaiṣṇava was actually at fault, Raghunātha Bhaṭṭa would not criticize him; he saw only that everyone was engaged in Kṛṣṇa’s service.”

Raghunath Bhatta’s mentality was the epitome of broad-mindedness. Despite it being his role, the Bhatta was physically incapable of seeing faults. Instead, he appreciated the direct and indirect servitude of all; even those acting on the platform of matter, he saw them as but mere servants of the Lord’s energy.

A beautiful, heart-warming ideal, but what about us who seem incapable of seeing the good?!

Bhaktisiddhanta continues,

“It is necessary for the best to scrutinize one’s ineligibility. Why should a person be anxious to pry into the defects of others when he does not seek to scrutinize his own conduct?”

My reflection of late is this: the glaring faults we perceive in others are the simplest way for us to determine which whack-a-mole anartha Krishna wants us to focus on next. It’s actually His kindness for indicating the realities of our inner workings. Being framed in this way, we’ll quieten our own inner critic and disgust, instead seeing our perception of faults as a loving revelation. 

Vraja Bihari shared with us: Attentiveness —> Awareness —> Attraction. 

From proper practice, we’re gifted with awareness of our limitations. In accepting those limitations, offering them to the Lord, and sincerely requesting assistance, we gain attraction in the antidote of the said quality! For fault finding, therefore, we’ll soon become so intensely nurtured by offering loving appreciation that criticism becomes deeply unpalatable.

A useful prayer I’ve started to try:

“My Lord, I perceive this fault in my friend. I’m likely to be mistaken! If it exists, however, please help them in overcoming it. But more importantly, please uproot this from my heart for it shines greater in me than in them.”

We move!

P.S. You can tell 2020 was the year of heartbreak since the writing was more profuse and subsequently ground to a halt. LOL.

Contradictions in Bhakti

Navin once told us that all contradictions are solved at the apex of love. Incomprehensible actions can only be understood through the lens of giving, receiving, or lacking love. I thought to use this piece to perhaps share some contractions of love that I’m still trying to understand.

Love increases in approaching pain

There are no accidents in life. Every situation has been specifically crafted by the Lord’s energy to aid our growth and best facilitate our devotion. Krishna has arranged for us to be situated within a particular geography, family and community. Whilst we may long to have instead been born nearer to an alternate locality (did someone say Chowpatty?), we’re in a situation that’s been specifically crafted to force us to learn that which has yet to be understood. Yet the more we keep running away from our problems, particularly within relationships with others, the more these problems will keep popping up despite varying, seemingly opposing, situations. 

Bhakti Tirtha Swami frequently speaks of becoming “love-finders” as opposed to “fault-finders”. When someone interacts with us in an attacking manner, a spiritualist sees this behaviour as a call for love, a call for belonging and shelter. When a person exhibits negative emotions towards us, they feel as though the love we are receiving is actually meant for them. Particularly if we see the same situation playing out in our lives time and time again, it’s a sign that we’ve yet to learn from that lesson and the cycle will repeat itself until we do. Therefore in times of receiving pain from others, rather than abandonment of that person or situation, it’s an opportunity for us to become an intuitive servant. It’s an opportunity to take on the position of a true leader: one whose greatest responsibility is giving love. A leader who isn’t continually offering love, or being a medium through which divine love can be channelled, is nothing more than a hindrance. Each decision we make must be carefully crafted to increase the love of those around us, no matter how painful. 

Love increases in sharing

This is one that I struggle with for it seemingly contradicts traditional logic. The essence of the economic problem is unlimited wants but limited resources. There is no resource that increases the more it is distributed. This causes an ungenerous mentality of mine; I avoid fully giving myself or my understanding to individuals for fear of being usurped. Yet in doing so, I act in a manner opposed to the very essence of Chaitanya’s existence. 

luṭiyā, khāiyā, diyā, bhāṇḍāra ujāḍe

āścarya bhāṇḍāra, prema śata-guṇa bāḍe

Although the members of the Pañca-tattva plundered the storehouse of love of Godhead and ate and distributed its contents, there was no scarcity, for this wonderful storehouse is so complete that as the love is distributed, the supply increases hundreds of times.

Such is the beauty of our tradition: the more we’re selfless in our offering of love, the more we carry and share the grace of Chaitanya, the more we ourselves feel deeply nourished, satisfied, and loved. I’m often particularly miserly with sharing of knowledge that I’ve learned for feeling the desire to maintain philosophical supremacy over others. Ironically, this is exactly what the smarta Brahmanas think, desiring to maintain and order their position over others. The Smartas were, and still are, a cause for Hindus to leave their faith. And if not inspired by the highest principle, we understand that the more we share, the more we retain! So purely from a physical perspective, we know this principle to hold up. 

Love increases in separation

Though a topic way beyond my level of comprehension, this is, again, a principle that isn’t exclusive to the Bhakti tradition. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, the age-old saying goes. Indeed the famous verse of the Bhagavatam 10.14.8 mentions both patience in separation coupled with a continued steadfast devotion to ensure Sri Krishna becomes our “rightful claim”. Of course, the Lord isn’t something to be intensely achieved but gracefully received. Interestingly, though, there exists a continuous trend of the Lord forcing his devotees to be apart from Him in order to further intensify their devotion.

Sri Ramacandra left his beloved home and kingdom for 14 years, breaking the hearts of Ayodhya’s residents. Sri Krishna leaves Vrindavan for Dwarka forcing the gopis practically into a state of insanity. Sriman Mahaprabhu leaves Navadwip for Puri, crushing his mother, young wife and friends. Yes, they celebrated when Nimai Pandit became a devotee, but the pain that ensued after was anguishing for sure. Heartbreak, a curse in our day-to-day realm, appears to be a unique gift of the Lord in transcendent relations. The purpose of this heartbreak caused by the Lord, it seems, is to strengthen it upon being rebuilt. 

And again, let’s not forget the internal reasons for Mahaprabhu’s advent. His desire to understand the love of Srimati Radharani is best experienced in a mood of separation. This is a crucial reason why the Lord selects Puri as his base: Mahaprabhu is the Lord himself, in the perspective of Radharani, in separation from Krishna, and has continual vision and play with Jagannath, also Krishna, yet in the mood of intense separation from Radharani and Vraja. Their internal mood combines and creates an eruption of emotion, only shown to the few who were able to be part of the inner circle of the Lord. 

Love as a topic is so far beyond my understanding that I feel ashamed to write any thoughts about it. Love in the physical sense is always tinged with selfishness. Yet hopefully by striving to see the Lord’s love in each situation, attempting to share it in whatever capacity I’m gifted, and adopting a mentality of a patient receiver, I can one day be a true vessel of selflessness.

Unconditional Acceptance

We often hear of how the exhibition of mother’s love is synonymous with Krishna’s love for us. The heart of a Bengali mother and the courage of a British soldier is an ideal Prabhupada would expect of his students. Of course, mothers come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and society’s experiences with motherhood may stir up more trauma than nostalgia. Not mine, though, and reflecting upon my relationship with my mother, the quality I most appreciate of her is this idea of unconditional acceptance. Regardless of my rebellion, arrogance, and misapprehension, my mother has never withheld her embrace. It’s easy to be definitive upon whom we label as a “practitioner” or “non-practitioner” of Bhakti. Whatever label I may place upon my parents is irrespective of the qualities I can learn from them. For, as aspiring Vaisnavas, we long to be saragrahi, essence seeking.

Of course, it’s not as though I’ve been amiss of the experience of acceptance and broad-mindedness within our spiritual community. Quite the opposite, in fact. Despite the revelation of my struggles, mentality and motivations to my dearest guides and closest confidants, I’ve only ever felt loved, welcomed and trusted. Yet in the face of being on the receiving end of such kindness, historically I’ve seldom offered others the same. Within a devotional context, I’ve found myself on the sides of extremity when it comes to acceptance. For perhaps the first decade of my spiritual growth, I felt that I held the position of a universal adjudicator. I maintained the supreme belief of my views, standards and ideals over others, casting judgement at the mere mortals below me, and living in an unreal, inhuman, and stoic headspace.

Two years back, however, I felt a massive shift. Krishna will often force us to experience growth and recalibrate our outlook 180-degrees. And the shift I believe our dear Lord wanted me to experience was one from arrogance to acceptance, from prejudice to progression, and from emphasis to empathy.

Regardless of an individual’s actions, struggles, anarthas, today I feel it my role to be a loving friend, of one who seeks not to judge, nor hold a grudge. From this stance, I’d rather not budge. For Bhakti is quite the trudge, and I value honesty over a fudge. For those with whom I sense a strong relationship, I may transgress over to enemy lines and muster up the mettle to suggest an area of growth, though this seldom happens.

Vraja Bihari told me that maturity is to find a balance between courage and consideration. Is my stance of attempting acceptance perhaps still an immature one, and one that’s at the other extreme? Maybe! It could well be. Prabhupada boldly proclaimed that love of Krishna bestows fearlessness. If I were to ever experience a drop of prema, my mindset may change and courage may follow. But we can only live by our present convictions, and this principle of acceptance is one that I feel strongly about presently.

That said, I struggle with acceptance on two fronts: firstly, when an individual’s experiences are unique to them and not one I’ve gone through, I can lack empathy. And when someone presents a mood of arrogance, harshnes or imbibes a culture of offence against Bhakti practitioners, I internally reject them. On the former, I hope this sensitivity comes with maturity. On the latter, I think I’m right! Though there’s perhaps some nuances I need to develop here.

Nobody’s a nobody. Everyone has something worthy of offering to Krishna! And, my God, everyone comes to our community with such unique experiences, habituation, and trauma. Even if they struggle with principles, if they’re immature, even if they’re dishonest, as long as they’re trying then I must accept, I must love, I must encourage! For without being on the receiving end of exactly these things, where would I be today? That’s not a pretty thought… I’d like to end this post with my favourite verbatim of Srila Prabhupada:

Suppose I have got some bad character from the beginning of my life, but I have understood that “Kṛṣṇa consciousness is very nice. I shall take to it.” So I am trying, trying my best. But at the same time, because I am habituated to something, I cannot give it up. Although I know that this my habit is not good, but still, habit is the second nature; I cannot give it up. So Lord Kṛṣṇa recommends that “Still, he is good. There is no question that he is not a sādhu or he is not an honest, he is not religious man. That simple one qualification, that he is Kṛṣṇa conscious, and he is acting sincerely, but failing sometime, but still, he is to be taken as sādhu.” Sādhu means honest, religious, pious. Sādhur eva sa mantavyaḥ [Bg 9.30].

And one may say that “Yes, because he is devotee of God, devotee of Kṛṣṇa, we may call him sādhu, but not cent percent.” But Kṛṣṇa says, “No, cent percent sādhu. In spite of his that bad character, he is cent percent sādhu.”

Srila Prabhupada Lecture, New York, Dec. 21, 1966

Let us remember that for one on this path, despite the flaws in one’s character, Krishna views them as perfect. As tough as it is for me, I must, too, imbibe the same mood. For if one doesn’t feel understood, accepted and loved within Krishna’s family, where else will they find it?

It’s all needed; it’s all appreciated

The path of Bhakti fulfils the innermost needs and desires of one’s heart. Uniquely within the tradition of Sri Caitanya, one’s desire for contribution, revolution, and impact are particularly met with the bold vision set by the great, historic saints. A global ascendency of the Holy Name is an ensuing reality. And the followers of Mahaprabhu have a most essential part to play. What fun! What excitement!

This initial passion for a global change may become both enlivened and dampened as we put on the hat of a strategist. Organisation and intelligence, right? However, the strategist can often become paralysed, or worse, critical of the variety in which Bhakti can be, or is being, shared. Where can there be the most impact, one may ponder? Where are there the biggest opportunities? Where’s the biggest need? And eventually one begins to question: what’s not needed…?

This latter mindset, born out of a heightened sense of intellectual purity, is treacherous. At best, it causes indifference in dealings with those who we feel are doing our outreach a disservice. At worst, we act as suicide bombers in detonating the weapon of aparadha.

My dull mind seldom retains knowledge from lectures, so that which sticks means something to me. Bhuta Bhavana Prabhu once said, “Those who appreciate the most do the most for establishing varnasrama in society.” Such profundity in that statement! But how does this work?

Well, individuals all seek appreciation, validation and encouragement. In its essence, these are longings of the soul to fulfil its fundamental need of being accepted, of being loved. Now, when only certain moods or services are appreciated, one naturally will perform those, despite it perhaps being against one’s nature and inclinations. Thus, although validated, one doesn’t feel valued. Although glorified, one doesn’t feel gratified. Although praised, one isn’t internally pleased.

Now let’s imagine the reverse: where someone is appreciated and loved regardless of how big or small their contribution, that person will automatically defer serving in a way that gives their heart the most contentment. Being hearty in our approbation and lavish in our praise means that others are no longer competing for rationed handouts of recognition. If I’m valued for who I am, I will strive to be the best version of myself, regardless of what others are doing. Isn’t that, in essence, what varnasrama is all about?

“It’s not about doing great things, it’s about doing things with great love.”

HH Radhanath Swami

The beauty of Bhakti is in its variety amidst personality. Oneness exists in our desire to transform our hearts and the hearts of others. Variety exists in the method by which we choose to do so.

My reflection of late has been this: everything is needed! Our Lord Himself, Sriman Mahaprabhu, did it all! He expounded Bhakti within the highest echelons of society. The Bhattacarya, Rupa and Santana, Prataparudra, Ramananda Raya. They were the leaders, politicians and kings of the time; Mahaprabhu strategically brought them into his inner circle and made them into revolutionaries within their respective field of influence. All the while, Mahaprabhu also expressed his utmost compassion to Sridhara, a poor, humble seller of banana bark. I’ve noticed how easy it is to pass the poverty lying on the streets of London. Were Sridhara to attempt to sell to me as I passed through Cheapside, I’d barely bat an eyelid. But not our Lord. Despite his utter dire condition, Mahaprabhu called for Sridhara during the epitome of his Navadwipa pastimes: the maha-prakasa lila! Imagine this! He offered this poor, supposedly inconsequential man a level of intimacy never given to the Kings of Puri.

This is our Lord, our hero. Mahaprabhu saw the quality of Sridhara’s heart. Our gurus see the quality of our hearts. It’s never about the externals. The Goswamis reestablishment of Vrindavan and Sridhara’s humble service of the Lord were different in their impact but identical in their devotion. Both were important. Both were appreciated.

Who can recognize all these servants of the Lord who want neither wealth, nor followers, nor even scholarship. Of what use are learning, wealth, beauty, fame or high birth? All of these things simply increase one’s pride and are ultimately valueless. A millionaire may try for millions of years to achieve what Shridhara did, simply by selling bananas and banana products, and still not be able to do so.

Chaitanya Bhagavat 2.9.233-5

We have to learn to accept, love and appreciate whatever someone does with devotion for our Lord. For he is that: OUR Lord. Scale is secondary to Bhakti. Those who can do great things should, of course, try their very best! Let’s go out, change the world, have an impact and fulfil the desires of the saints. All the while, let’s appreciate all for who they are and what they do, for regardless of impact, everyone is trying and serving to the best of their capacity. Sriman Mahaprabhu has His plan. He’s already inundated the hearts of the world with pure love. He doesn’t need us! He doesn’t need our service. We need Him. We need it.

Reality check

Taking up some sort of responsibility, regardless of the magnitude, will usually lead to praise and recognition in successful outcomes. We live as part of a community that’s very quick to appreciate and less so to remediate (or at least directly to one’s face, haha!). Due to immaturity, one subsequently may become somewhat arrogant, self-regarding and proud. Actions that were previously reserved for divinity become performed to acquire mundanity. What can start as one-pointed focus may be led astray as one’s motivation becomes mixed. A mixed motivation simply means that any result leads to dissatisfaction. As confirmed by SB 1.2.6, only a selfless, continuous offering of love leads to equanimity and contentment; anything else and the heart remains a vessel.

The question I’ve been asking myself lately is: Were it not for these perks that come with responsibility (which are, in actuality, a massive distraction from one’s purpose), would I continue to serve with the same level of drive and determination? Forget pleasing Krishna, will this service please my ego? Forget asking Krishna for help, will I be able to show my might through my skill?

Presently, feel I have to work harder in spiritual life in order to maintain the very same standards to which I held myself accountable to in the past. My dear Lord, I pray for the simplicity that I once had. I wish for the child-like innocence that I once viewed others by. Please may I return to the days where I wouldn’t question the motives of your servants, and may you allow me to treat them with the utmost respect, love and appreciation. My dear Lord, please allow me to return to that time when I was so confident in my relationship with you that I wouldn’t care for what others thought of me! My dear Lord, please ensure that pleasing You becomes my only goal.

A feeling of unpleasantness when we are praised is probably more elevated than self-aggrandizing. However, when praised for a characteristic that one can present externally yet defy internally, self-discontentment pervades. The embarrassment of glorification is a reality check of our situation. If only they knew my heart.